High time for high tea

Today we went for a walk at Ulverston, a place name I have been singing all week to Glen Campbell's "Galveston". I have been hankering after a high tea and investigated options at tip top hotels ranging in price from £35 to £49. I was aware, however, that Fitz's lack of appreciation would not justify the price, as he has a woeful understanding of cake. It would be like someone giving me a rare and expensive champagne to taste, me saying "yeah, that's quite nice", and that someone wanting to punch me in the face.

Sue, our lovely neighbour at Coat Yeat Cottages who has taught us this week about all sorts from adders, swallows and natterjack toads to the best place to spot glow-worms, had recommended Gillam's in Ulverston, a vegetarian tearoom. For £6.95, they serve a lovely cream tea of cucumber sandwiches, homemade scone with jam and cream, a slice of carrot cake and a slice of coffee cake. We sat in Gillam's pretty garden, which boasts a view of a warm kitty and a white bell-tower that rings every quarter hour.

I quickly calculated that by choosing Gillam's for my cream tea, I had saved upwards of £28 in a week when I had spent nothing at all on what Fitz calls "shit you don't need", straining like a  dog on a leash at shop windows full of pale blue teapots and  cat ornaments. But I play by Han's holiday rule of spending at least £20 on crap and that putative twenty pound note was burning a hole in my pocket. Luckily, the tearoom also sold ladytreats and I went into speed shopping mode (I shop so quickly that even my dad, who loathes shopping, said I was a pleasure to accompany on a weekly supermarket trip. Something to do with never checking best before dates). As well as liquorice wheels, Kendal mint cake and fudge to thank my parents for feeding my cats, I got this jug decorated with apples

and a bar of violet infused milk chocolate, which is delicious.

I felt we'd earned our high tea as we'd done a five mile walk along Ulverston's canal which once upon a time brought in goods from exotic places and is now a reed-lined waterway that passes, er, a GlaxoSmithKline chemical factory. So picturesque. It's got a swan and everything.

I have to admit that we started the walk with a visit to the best chip shop in Ulverston for a cone. Fitz was so hungry that he raced through his and, as I was halfway through mine, started asking "do you want the rest of yours?" I did, but I got the hint. Greater love hath no woman than to part with her chips. Especially if she's a Geordie.

Banana loaf

After the excitement of a family wedding, we have come to Coal Yeat Cottages near Coniston in the Lake District, set in 25 acres of stunning scenery (it's on the far left of this photo).

It can be hit and miss booking a self catering cottage online - you might end up next to a busy road that has been carefully omitted from a photo, or have to endure the kind of decor that even your granny would disdain. Tethera cottage is definitely a hit - it's beautifully decorated and so tranquil that all I can hear is nesting swallows, clucking chickens and Fitz blethering on. The cottage is also well equipped (dishwasher, dvd, Sky TV and even digital radio so I can listen to my beloved 6music) though amazingly the weather has been so warm and sunny that there is little call for indoor entertainment. Pop go my plans for another trip to the Lakeland Pencil Museum.

There was a warm welcome at Tethera cottage - not only were we provided with basics like tea, coffee, milk, bread and butter, there was the unexpected gift of homemade banana loaf. I was thrilled.

So far we have made friends with Pumpkin, the neighbour's dog, who is extremely good at chasing sticks and was not caught out for a second by Fitz's trick throws.

Yesterday we sunbathed on the shore of Lake Coniston across from the island that inspired Swallows and Amazons. Sadly I forgot to take my camera, so there is no photo of the clear  waters or of Fitz's bright blue swimming shorts. Having worked up an appetite by lying about, we went into Coniston for a sausage sandwich in a cafe. It was there that I had this conversation with Fitz:

- "Did you see at the counter what kind of cakes there are?" (I was pretty sure I'd spied some chocolate tiffin).

- "No".

- "For you, Fitz, cake is just something that other people eat, isn't it?"

- "Yes. They just sit there taking up space".

Heartbreaking. Still, it leaves more homemade banana loaf for me.